either way he was missing a nipple.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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