I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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