Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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