none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
