Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
