two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
