but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
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In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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