I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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