When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
