Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
