he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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