i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
