She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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