the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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