What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
