so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
