She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
