Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
