I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
