There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
