i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize