areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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