dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
