Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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