Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Alive.
So much puke
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
