The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
