It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
