Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
