I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize