I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
