When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
