quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
