I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
