New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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