Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
