Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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