i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
True strength comes from lack of pants
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
