Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
