No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
