Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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