I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
