Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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