I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
