No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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