Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
