I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
