Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
