If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
home. puking in laundry basket.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
