so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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