I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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