but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
