so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
