I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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