this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
