I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
