while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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