If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wish there were birth control emojis
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
