I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
