i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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