Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
