Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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