yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
