Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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