I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
