I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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