After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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