clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
