I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
