How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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