capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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