You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
