Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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