he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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