drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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