Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
