we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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