So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
