This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
