we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
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I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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