New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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