We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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