I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
