Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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