He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
