no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You took a bar mat shot.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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